Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Megan on steroids

My little Megan is on her steroids again. This time, for 2 weeks. 

The first month, we had it for the whole time and the effects came in after the first week. The most obvious change was her silent mode. She refused to talk nor see me. Her only conversation was to tell us what she wanted to eat, how to cook it and her breast milk. 

She also became withdrawn. It was very difficult for me to accept my baby has changed. It was like I lost her. Then the next change was her water retention and she became huge. Her dresses and clothes all did not fit. We had to use some of Ryan's clothes on her. 

Her hair loss was bad too and we decided to shave her. In the peak of it, she became violent to her dad as well as to herself. She began scratching and screaming and left bloody scratches on herself. 

Which was why we were worried about the meds this time round. The dose has been increased from last time, although for a shorter period. This is the second week. So far, not much violence nor appetite increase. 

Some say it is because her body is used to the meds combo and no longer showed the initial signs. But the last few days she has displayed a zone in zone out mode. One moment she will be happy and talking, then the next, she will zone out and give me a faraway look. This look is the killer. Her eyes will open wide and stare at me deep down, as if asking "What is happening to me mama? What is wrong with me?" I always have to look away cause tears will come to my eyes. I hate it. Thankfully, she zones back in fast. 

Then yesterday, her mood changed when it was getting dark. She insisted that I tell the sun not to go and sleep. She wants it back on the sky cause she wants it to be morning!

Today, she asked me to tell the crows to stop making the sound cause it interfered her clothes folding. 

Both times, I smiled. It was so cute. It was also kind of scary cause she was in tears and begging. But this time, I know this period will pass. I know if I hold on, it will come to an end and my baby will be back. 

I wish for the week to go by quickly. Can't wait! 


WSL said...

as usual..hang in there..stay strong and take care...but it's still ok to feel weak at times..hugs.

Haruki said...

Busybee, I have not read your blog for sometime and just found out about Megan. You are a strong and brave mom, and we Moms are supporting you out there, in our thoughts. My love to Megan, take good care.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there and stay strong! As a mum, I feel for you. Be brave for your little one! She is blessed to have a mama like you. I wish Megan all the best!