Ryan is away

I must admit, I am terrible in being away from loved ones.

When I was living with my parents, I used to think about how wonderful it would be to be away from them and have my own life. Truth is, when that moment finally came, it was very difficult for me. I actually missed them! But then, I learned and adjusted well.

Then it came when my husband (then boyfriend) had to work outstation ... it was terrible! It could be a month before we meet again and it was just terrible. However, I also learned to live on my own.

Then came when I got married ... hubby left for Sudan months after we got married. Imagine my loneliness! But then I had a long hour job, so I got through.

Now, the biggest thing in my life - Ryan. When Ryan was really young, we used to leave him with nanny a night in a week when I would use the night to recuperate from my sleep deprivation. However, it is usually a rough night cause I would be missing him till I can't sleep properly. Also, I would wake up to pump milk cause I would have serious engorgement. And then in the middle of the night, I would wake up finding myself wondering why I had gotten up - the next day I find out that I woke up roughly the same time when Ryan would have woken up and cried.

As the months go by, Ryan got easier for me and so, he was never away from me. Then came the time when nanny had to go away on holiday. I would have no choice but to have Ryan sent to my mum and I would have really missed him terribly.

In the last 2 weeks in particular, I was away from Ryan when I went to Bangkok for a short holiday with friends. It was not easy, but I had a fellow mother who reminded me that I needed to be happy in order to have a happy child and so, I went. Phone calls were made 2 times a day to my mum's place and I would have a short conversation with Ryan. It really helps when he is able to make short sentences and by the 5th day, he could no longer bear missing me and was crying the whole day till the time he saw me at night.

Today, I had to send Ryan again to my mum's place cause nanny is away in Taiwan. I have been mentally preparing for this week of absence (longest separation!) for about a month and still, it has not been any easier. So, Ryan is away this week and I had chided myself to think that I was going to have a swell time by myself ... but at last, that is not true!
I came home just now with no sweat from carrying him, no raised voices to a child who purposely push my buttons, no messy floors from toys left from this morning, no messy floors from his wee wee accidents and certainly no sweet voices calling "Ah-mi ah" .... oh, I so miss him right now!

Looking forward to your return this weekend ...