Making my first dream board for 2010

This is my dream board. And this is the first time that I am doing something like this. It details 5 broad areas of my life which I want to focus on in 2010.

From the top left, there is a financial challenge which I want to fulfil. Once it is achieved, I will get a chance to visit the country where the Maori dancers live. And so the hunt begins ...

In the top middle is a place where I hold dear - my family. The words clearly tell how I feel and the kitchen tells the story of where I believe a family is united after a day's, week's of hard work. And so they become my garden of inspiration ...

Towards the bottom left talks about social responsibility. I feel that this is a very important area for everyone especially us parents who inspire to leave the world a better place for our future generations. For this area, my 2 key focus is to be more environmentally friendly - recycle! and also to adopt a child a year. By the time I reach my retirement age, I would have 20 kids!

Bottom centre talks about eating healthy, delicious food and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. More trips to the gym, daily walks around the block in my new place. More spiritual awareness, maintaining balance and harmony in life.

I have allocated the entire right space to things that I want to have for my family and myself - good things. Things which I can have without having to sacrifice our retirement and education funds. Luxury is never an option ...

When I was putting this together, Ryan was busy trying to help and was curious about what I was doing. I told him that this is a dream board which will help realise our goals. His association was immediately with MONEY, hehe. Great start eh?

Here's to a great 2010!

I am not sure how I feel now ...

Today Ryan went back with my mum to PD. And I cannot describe how I feel now. Strange. I thought I should feel relieved, because there was a lot of stress in the last 1 week. Ryan got sick, work was a little stressed, then Ryan went into a relapsed, then I was told by the eye doctor that he possibly needed glasses, hubby was edgy as well, men, then Megan got sick last night. Sigh, the whole week has been a non-stop drama.

When my mum said she wants the kids, I was like "Woo hoo!" Freedom for a week. I was to go back this Friday to fetch them back. At least a few nights on my own, to do my thing.

And then, today, we decided that Megan stays behind with us while Ryan goes home with my mum. I was told that as soon as we were out of sight, he started to cry all the way to PD. He had wanted my dad to turn around and he said he misses us and wants to come home. My heart broke.

What I thought would be a few funs nights now feels like something I do not need after all. I would much prefer that the nights that Ryan was around adding to the fun and flavour with Megan's constant laughter.

I will be going to fetch him this Friday with Megan. Can't wait to see him.

Megan walks @ 10+months

My little baby first attempted her little steps some weeks back. She was not very stable and would be falling quite a bit. However, unlike Ryan, Megan is able to balance herself and usually eases herself to the ground instead of falling flat.

Because of this, Megan seldom had accidents while learning to walk. At most, she will sit down hard.

That was some weeks back. These few days, she has been steadier and is able to walk about 10+ feet before sitting down. I think her little legs are still a little shaky. But I am proud of her, and she is proud of herself too. She cannot stop beaming at herself.

So there, another milestone to little Megan ... she starts walking at 10+ months.

And today, it is her 11th month .... next month I will be having her 1 year old birthday party. Isn't it great?

My mentor passed on ...

It is rare indeed for us to be able to find someone whom we can regard as a mentor. Someone who makes sense, someone who has been through it all, someone who has lived to tell the tale, someone who got through to you. For me, that someone was Jim Rohn.

I got to know about him through a friend. I was hooked from the time I heard him say "Thank you" to the thunderous applause he received while conducting one of his sales seminars. I have since been listening to his audio programs and have been reading his books.

And today, I learnt that he has passed on. He left to be in a better place yesterday, 5 December 2009. He has been suffering from Pulmonary Fibrosis for the past 18 months. However, knowing him, Jim would have fought until the last breath and would have continued to inspire and lead the life he has always been talking about.

Someone once said “when you are born you enter the world crying while everyone else is rejoicing and when you die hopefully you have lived such a life that everyone will be crying while you are rejoicing”. Jim Rohn lived such a life.

To me, I am grateful that Jim came to this world, grateful that I was introduced to him, grateful for his teachings, grateful for his ways. I will always remember one key thought he had which had touched me .... "Life is not designed to give you what you want. Life is designed to give you what you deserve. "

Well said dear Jim Rohn. May you rest in peace. You legend lives on.

Tender moments with my kids

Both my kids are quite different in their own styles. One of it has to do with sleep.

When Ryan was a baby, he slept in the sarung and we would put him in and set the electronic timer in motion and voila! he will soon be in la-la land. However, we were always fearful about the times we would be away on holiday, how will we be dragging the sarung etc. around??

With Megan, we have conditioned her to sleep on the bed. Although she is on the sarung in nanny's house, at home, she goes on the bed.

Because they both have different bedtimes, Megan about 9-ish while Ryan is about 10-ish, the juggling has to be done right so that while I put Megan to sleep, Ryan is occupied with activities, toys, games etc. so that he does not feel left out.

Tonight was no different and he was on the NET playing with his Handy Manny game. I had gone to put Megan to sleep at 9.30pm and by 10.15pm, she was still nursing! Wow, I had not realised cause I drifted off to la-la land already. What woke me was Ryan's soft steps into the room, he wanted to tell me that the computer had stopped working and he wanted me to go have a look.

I gave him a hand gesture which said "Wait, I will come". He looked at me and then he walked out. Some minutes later, I could feel him next to me cause he got bored outside. This time, he gave me a smile. I gestured the same. After a long while, I could not hear him nor see him. Hmm, quite unusual.

When Megan finally drifted off, I went out to find Ryan playing quietly with his toys and he was telling me "Mummy, I want bread, I am so hungry." Wow, I felt so proud of him, cause I thought that he was actually quite matured considering he is only 4 years old.

Later we sat down for a light supper, fresh milk with biscuits and bread. He was happy all the way and finally went to sleep at 11pm. Barely 10 minutes and he already went off to a good night's rest.

While he was sleeping, I lay beside him watching him sleep and wondered where did all those nights go where I had to pacify him when he was sick, when he was agitated by his tooth growing, the nights when he would nurse and refused to be put down on the bed, the nights I lost my cool and the nights when he was still in my bed. Now, my little baby is growing to be on his own and insist that he sleeps with daddy cause he has his own mattress, he is insisting that he does things on his own simply because he is a "big boy". Sometimes he pushes me away saying that he does not need my help. While I am proud, I am also tearful, although they are tears of joy and pride.

When I sleep at night with Megan and I wake with her by my side, I cannot help but to wonder when she will also tell me that she does not need me, when she will finally graduate from mummy's bed to her own. Megan now takes comfort in knowing that I am around her when she fusses at night. She will soon one day be able to comfort herself quite well without me. I cannot wait for that to happen because it means she has grown really well, but to some extent I also dread that moment. Selfish me ya?

Sigh, these are tender moments in my life which I would protect and preserve for me to reflect and smile, one fine day in the future. What are some of your tender moments with your kids?

Goddess of Mercy

When I was a little girl, my mum fed me with Bovril one time and I developed rashes on my arms. I do not know why parents then did not think about the doctor, but instead brought me to the temple. Apparently, I have "Kuan Yin bones", which means I cannot touch anything with beef in it. Not only that, I was "given" to Kuan Yin (Goddess of Mercy) as her god daughter.

Fast forward till today, I was told that "giving" my kids to the Goddess of Mercy will mean that they will be well looked after and will be under her protection all the time. Now, which mother will not be happy with that?

After a visit to the temple, we found a auspicious date - 18th Nov 2009 - which was to be the date that my kids will be having Goddess of Mercy as their god mother.

The time was to be between 11am and 1pm. I took leave to be with them on this day. I was to prepare a set of clothes for both of them, bowls, chopsticks, rice, some kuih, flowers and fruits. After some prayers, my kids' clothes were imprinted with the seal.

It was a simple affair but was solemn. I am very particular about the safety of my kids and this is something I consider a necessity. I will have to bring them to the temple on the 3 birthdays of the Goddess of Mercy. When they are 18 years old, I will have to perform a simple ritual to thank the Goddess of Mercy and to "release" her of them.

Some will argue that this is not possible and may even be superstitious, but in my mind, I have peace and so, I do it.

Here's to Kuan Yin then, my kids' safety need your divine intervention, especially in the horrid world we live in today. May they be safe today and everyday.

Megan refuses to sleep!

Now, this is not her fault.

Megan to date is still napping 3 times a day, each lasting about 30mins or so. Usually it is once in the morning, mid afternoon and early evening. By 9.30pm, she will be ready for bed.....that is if I am taking care of her.

When she is with the nanny, I suspect she is put to sleep whenever she gets irritable. So if I go fetch her at 8-ish, then she would already be napping. This is fine except that when she gets home, she refuses to sleep!

For a few days in a row now, we have gone to fetch her and she is already in her sarung. Hmph. Not very happy is how I am feeling now. The last 2 nights have seen her sleeping at about 11pm-12am. It is terrible for me because I would not be able to do most of the things I am wanting to.

I think I will tell nanny again tomorrow about this sleep pattern. Either that or I have to be back earlier. Really cannot wait till the day I no longer have to think about these alternatives.

What about you? Any experience like this? Did you confront the nanny?

Megan turns 10 months old

My little baby is 10 months old today. And like any proud mother, I secretly think that she is above average in her development.

Below are things which she is supposed to be able to do.

1) She discovers new ways to play. I think it is more of a case that Megan is able to experiment more with her toys since she has Ryan to look up to. Also, there are more varieties for her to explore since Ryan was packed with toys.

2) Megan started creeping quite early on and is now super fast in getting from one chair to another. 2 days ago, she walked one step free hand. Yesterday, she took 2 baby steps free hand before she reached for the sofa.

3) Megan is supposedly mastered the art of gripping with thumb and forefinger. I think she did this earlier on too. She has also started to rip apart papers. I actually encourage this since by the time she out grows this phase, my books and mags are safe.

I practised this with Ryan and he used to tear up my Time mags. After this phase, he has not torn up a single book or mag of mine.

4) I do not think that Megan is particularly friendly towards people, especially people whom she has not seen before. But once she knows you, she will have no problems babbling non-stop, especially when she is in a talkative mood.

5) She has also recently taken on to pointing things. We started with lights and fan and now she is able to point to these things when we ask her. However, she does not perform this for strangers, so this will take some time.

6) Megan also takes on her porridge very well. Sometimes when she is hungry, she will display am impatient stance and will start to grab the plate before it is fed to her!

Wah, so fast ... 10 months has gone by. I still remember my arrival at the hospital where I went to perform the surgery to see my little Megan.

Looking forward to month 11 now ...

Belated entry - Our first outing to KLCC

I cannot believe I actually did not blog about this!

When Megan was born, I was thinking about when I would be able to bring the two of them out to the mall or the park by myself. The reason is because I have this phobia about on how they would both behave and how they would both want different things at the same time.

However, September 26th 2009 marked the day I first ventured out to the big bad world with my 2 babies.

This was the state of the usually full car park in KLCC on a Saturday morning. I was a little concerned about having a screaming baby in the car while looking for a car park, so we all headed down really early.

This was our breakfast. Ryan is mad about his sugar donut and I love my Zest.

We later went to Isetan where Ryan went on his usual round of playing with the toys there. I have a rule on this - only see, no buy. Only when I think I want to, I will splurge on some toys for them, but I do not buy when they are around - bad bad bad.

We close the day with a ride on the amusement rides. This particular one is RM2 per ride and it can accomodate 3 kids. As you can see, my 2 are truly enjoying themselves. I was half afraid that Megan would fall off.

But I had to almost peel her hands off, she was holding on so tight!

A ride with the Paddington Bear. Ryan was holding on to little Megan with all his might. Clearly, he was just as afraid that she would fall off too.

All in all, it was a wonderful day. Short of one incident with Ryan almost having a melt down, the whole outing went really well. And I am happy to report that there have been several others since then. I will post when I finally have the photos up!

Transferring pain

2 weeks ago, the baby sitter called and said that Ryan was having high fever and he vomited. I rushed home to bring him to the doctor's.

On the way, he was really quiet and he was also very hot from the fever. In the middle of the drive, he said that he was having stomach pain. I think he was in real pain since he was scrunching his face very badly.

I held his little hand while driving and asked him to squeeze me every time the pain came. He asked why. I replied that when he squeezed me, he will transfer his pain to me and so, it will relieved him.

When he heard this, he simply shook his head, his hair moving along and said he does not want to see me in pain. He refused to squeeze my hand despite him having the pain. All the while, he was sobbing saying that he is in pain and he does not want anyone else to feel the same and so, he was willing to endure it rather than to transfer it to me.

I was so touched that I wanted to sob too!!

When we got to the doctor's, he sat quietly despite having other kids there. This is not his usual self at all. I am thinking what pain and discomfort he must be feeling in order for him to behave in this manner. And to think that he was willing to endure this rather than to have it come to me! I feel like crying even as I am writing this!

My sweet baby, words cannot describe my love for him.