Tuesday, April 17, 2012

A little step, a giant leap

Last night while putting Dylan to sleep, he stood up and was trying very hard to balance himself. After a boyish smile, he looked at me as if saying "Can I do it? I want to!" And he did - Dylan took a small step forward, then another, before he sat down smiling, pleased with himself.

I cheered him and quickly cuddled him up. Darn! I should have made him do it again, but then, I was too excited.

My baby took a small step forward to start a life of unending journey, one giant leap into the world in front of him. I am so proud of my baby.

Here's to another day of development, another day of cheering, another day of miracles.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

14th March 2012

Hmm ... most days passes by us with no sure meaning except for birthdays, anniversaries, school term start day, etc. Well, for us, we have added in another date to the list - 14th March 2012.

A day before that, I had brought Megan to a clinic to check her blood as she was bruising in an alarming manner, where her knees and shins are. I had initially thought it was just some knocks she had while playing. When it became 2 new bruises a day, something in me stirred. When the clinic we normally go to did not have the relevant test tube for abnormal bleeding test, my parents came to the rescue and brought Megan to a medical centre where her blood results were known within the hour - she had abnormally high levels of white blood counts (WBC) while her platelets were very low, which explained why she was bruising.

We got into a hospital in Ampang and were told either she has a very severe viral infection which can trigger the bleeding, or she has leukemia. We were told to be prepared for the worst. Fingers crossed, we prayed hard for the results the next day. I remembered being ushered into the clinic of the doctor and was told "Megan is confirmed, she has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL)". I felt the earth moved that day as I burst out crying in front of the doctor. I was clutching Megan with all my might as I wished that it was a mistake. Surely, it can't be!

After that, we had to move to another hospital in Subang as the current hospital did not have the facilities. Everything became a blur after that moment - the discharge, the drive home to have her bathed and packed, the waiting moments in the new hospital, the wheel chair ride .... to the room - 255. It was night and it was quiet, it was eerie, to think that we have a sick child.

We stayed a week in Subang, with drugs given everyday, nurses coming in and doctors visiting. We had questions, wonders, regret, what-ifs, unbearable pain and tears. It was too overwhelming, I was in tears most of the time. My hubby said I cannot cry in front of the kids, the bathroom became my solitary place, where I would cry and kneel and beg for miracles. I was so torn, I could not imagine the future and what will happen to my little girl.

In the last 3 weeks, I have learned that life is very fragile, that life is very precious, that life is so taken for granted that it has a nasty way to shake us up. I also felt very blessed despite this as there were people who prayed for us, friends, family, even strangers, people who held prayer group for Megan, people who included her in their prayer list, people who lent a ear, people who let me cry, people who cried with me, people who brought us coffee, roti canai, chee cheong fun, smiles, to us when we were in the hospital, indeed, these are the people who became angels in our trying moments. Thank you.

These trying moments have also brought us closer to God, the one source of life which I have also taken for granted. I have felt his presence in the quiet of the night, in the halls of the hospital, in the deep sad part of my heart, in my little girl. I once read that "He will not put on us something we cannot bear", and I have held on to it. I believe that everything happened as a piece of His puzzle for us, that this is part of a master plan for us.

We are moving into Week 4 now and will stay on course for the next 100 weeks. It will take us 2 years to kill it off, we will have a lifetime to tell our story. For now, we will take a day at a time, we will continue to pray, we will fight this, and we will triumph over it.